At first, lockdown was just two weeks. A temporary measure to control COVID-19. Of course, that was not the case. Those two weeks grew into an entire year of lockdowns and regulations. My story is just one of millions, but everyone’s story should be shared. Because for many young people, COVID has single-handedly reshaped our lives in ways that continue to impact us today. Not just because of the virus, but because of the way lockdown shifted everything. For me, it restructured everything I knew about myself, and the world.
I never really settled in at school, having switched between schools in previous years. Though I’d made great friends and adored certain teachers, the environment was unsettling. Perhaps it was the noisy classrooms, or even just a fear of socially interacting with others. For me, COVID was a relief. I was able to avoid what I had been so afraid of, and during lockdown I was 'attending’ school more than I ever had before - albeit online.
However, there was a sense of fear radiating from everyone and it was terrifying that no one had answers; not my mum, not the Government.
What started as a two-week holiday full of laughter and family became scarily real. Huddling round the TV watching COVID cases rise became normal, and it was so dreadful to think of all the lives behind those numbers. Even as a teenager, finances became a terrifying thought. That feeling of being trapped made home feel like a prison and that affected everyone.
Yet there were some happy moments.
I worked hard to bring up my grades, going from scraping 4s to 8s in some subjects by the end of GCSEs. Lockdown brought me closer to my family and sparked my love for piano - I’d play for hours each day and still love it today!
Then restrictions were lifted.
Though lockdown was hard, I found returning to ‘normal life’ even harder. We had all the guidance on staying home, yet when it was time to go back to the world, there was radio silence. I felt like we were expected to return to normal, but I’d forgotten what that was. I didn’t just feel scared, I was petrified. I feared returning to school, confronting what I’d been hiding from.
While my grades improved, my mentality hadn’t. I even began to miss lockdown, which felt crazy. To cope, I continued to wear a mask at school, even after restrictions lifted. I became so conscious of how I looked, spoke, or acted. Looking back at photos, I see the fear. It was clear I’d become a shell of who I was pre-Covid.
The Present Day
Reflecting on everything brings conflicting feelings, but what’s clear is how transformative this time was. In a strange way, COVID helped me understand myself. During my A-levels I thrived with smaller class sizes, and familiar teachers (who were amazing!). I managed to achieve 3 A*’s and was accepted into the University of St Andrews.
Yet, I still face some mental health struggles, particularly anxiety and the need to be close to home. I attended St Andrews for four weeks before dropping out, partly due to the issues COVID seemed to spark. I am not alone in these feelings. The mental health crisis with young people and social media is not surprising. I think of my younger sister, trapped in the same four walls with no interaction or in-person teaching during critical periods of her development. Can we blame them?
On a positive note, I had an amazing gap year working on myself, improving my mental health, and gaining incredible experience working with children. My old school even invited me to speak to students! Now I am so happy studying Psychology at Royal Holloway with hopes of achieving a doctorate one day!
Alex at his new university, Royal Holloway, University of London!
While the pandemic is over, I don’t think we’ve fully recovered from the lockdown’s effects. Young people especially need support, and their voices must be heard. That is why COSMO’s work is so important. Because what was supposed to be two weeks has truly been life changing.